-Neha K Kulkarni
We all grow up with this wonderful idea of getting married. All girls dream of their ideal wedding even before they totally understand what it is all about. But as we grow up our ideas change and with them our expectations as well. What was initially a fairy tale now becomes the ugly truth. Unlike the fairly tale, there isn't a prince charming who would come riding on a white horse and sweep you away and you'll live happily ever after!
So why does it all change? As kids we are told time and again to be nice individuals. To love and respect other and so on. But the real world isn't as rosy as it’s portrayed. Relationships are calculative. You have money...great! You don't have money...too bad. You give me space...we are compatible. You don't give me space...we need a break. The list is endless. Sometimes I wonder, what happened to unconditional love? Is it just an illusion or does it still exist in this oh-so practical world?
For all those dating their love for years, if all turns out well then you are ready to walk down the aisle. What about all those who aren’t dating anyone? Well, for all those you have no choice but to enter the “Marriage Market!” Now you would ask me, why market? Well, the answer lies ahead.
Arrange marriages are a different ball game altogether. If you are single and looking for match the process can really tire you down. You are judge on how you look, how tall you are, whether you are plumb or an envious size zero. It doesn’t end there. Next on the list are your earnings or how much would you inherit and so on. It’s only if you pass these stages would people want to know the real you but that's pretty much at the end of the must-have list. It’s like buying a product. You see a great product and then you splurge. Pretty OK product, you think about it maybe even bargain and then buy it. But when there is a not-so-good one, you simply walk off.
People start off with this huge list of 'what I want in my partner' Can you really find a life partner with the help of a checklist? Like really? If you have so many haves and have nots, then I guess all that would remain is the image of your perfect partner that too just in your head.
The worst enemies here are all those who cannot see you ‘being single’. Their sole aim is to make marriage happen. How and to whom, is of little importance. They have an ‘ideal marriage age’ set and if you aren’t married by then, all hell breaks loose! All kinds of doubts creep in. ‘Is something wrong with him/her?’ ‘Isn’t he/she not good enough?’ ‘Poor you! You haven’t found the right partner yet?’ ‘Hang in there, you definitely find somebody to marry!’ Why do people assume that you are unhappy or lonely if you are single? The person could be perfectly happy and ready to wait till he/she finds the suitable person to tie the knot.
If you end up finding a good match then it’s all about how does he/she look? Is he/she rich? What kind of car does he own? Where does he stay and so on... Do we forget that it’s not just about what he/she own but about the kind of person you would want to live with for the rest of your life. Somehow the genuinity of the person is lost and only No wonder there is rise in unhappy marriages.
I feel it’s easier to go buy expensive items from a mall, than to find a match. All those who are in a relationship or have married their love are simply luck to have not been part of this traumatic process.
My advice to all the single people out there, go find your partner and if you can’t,then good luck as you enter the ‘marriage market’. May you come out victorious!
Tat s sooo true Neha,,, ve seen & experienced more than dis.
ReplyDeleteNicely written.
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ReplyDeleteThank you Swetha. I'm glad you liked the post. I know there are a lot more things that happen but I just thought of putting in the basic ones.
ReplyDeleteYes to a great extent, what you're saying is true. But then , at least its an honestly blatant market.
ReplyDeleteWhile looking for love, we look at all these criteria in a person, only silently. Any interesting person comes along, we do ask questions, but subtly, without hinting at any trace of interest. Slowly and slyly, we judge the person before we start falling in love. You wouldn't fall in love with an unhygienic/poor/heavy/unintelligent chap.
In an arranged setup, we do the same thing, only more openly and with a lot more liberty. You can simultaneously see multiple people in an arranged setup, but you'd be badly judged if u did it for love. Parents would love you for dating multiple boys in an arranged setup. I can only pray my parents would still call me their daughter if I fell in love.
Counter me Kulkarni. Im waiting. :)
It's true that even while looking for love we look at the same criteria. The difference is when its for love you are the only one evaluating and making the decision. But in an arranged marriage set up it isn't about what you think or what you want, people around have multiple opinions which makes it a traumatizing process. I feel there is too much interference when it comes to arranged marriage.
ReplyDeleteAlso while looking for love there is a lot of important given to the kind of person he or she is and not just to where he/she comes from, how rich they are...etc.
In an arranged married all these things are seldom considered which makes me question, what are we really looking for? A life partner or a trophy husband/wife?