From pieces to peace!

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves."

                                                                                        - Henry David Thoreau

Have you ever felt suffocated that you just wanted to break free? No matter how much you tried, you just couldn’t sort out your life. With this baggage, I went to the land of Lamas and rediscovered myself. This is my story and maybe yours too.       

“Why do you want to run away?” Anjani asked me with a concerned look. I took one look at her and burst into tears. She didn’t budge but looked at me as I wept like a child.....

My life was a mess and just to get some answers I decided to visit a Tarot reader. I was initially hesitant as I did not want a complete stranger to know about my life but I was so desperate for help that I went along. Apparently the cards that I picked during my reading indicated that I was really frustrated with my life and that I just wanted to run away. It also indicated that I was desperate to change my life but I did not know where to begin. Anjani told me the first thing that I had to do was to pack my bag and go on a vacation all by myself. No family. No friends. Just me... a journey to re-discover myself. I felt better with her pep talk but as I was on my way back home the doubts started creeping in. As if Anjani could sense it she wrote to me over the next few days convincing me to take a break and just out of the blue I decided to go to Ladakh. 

I used to always joke with my mother and tell her, “I need to go stay in the Himalayas, I think then I’d have time to think and sort my life” I never thought I’d do exactly that and it would turn out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

TAKING THE PLUNGE

I have never travelled alone so it came as a surprise to my parents that I wanted to be on my own this time. It amazed me how desperate I was to get my life into perspective. I decided to go through a company named Foliage Outdoors where my brother-in-law is one of the partners. Other than the company representative who was traveling with me, I did not know anyone but I was all set to travel with a bunch of strangers who eventually turned out to be good company. The whole trip was planned in a week and I was off to the land of lamas – Ladakh.  I landed in New Delhi and we all set off to Manali. We spent the next two days in Manali and somehow it just didn’t sink in that I was finally on my own. Every time a negative though crossed my mind I would push it out of my mind. The day we left for Ladakh I was excited but nervous at the same time. Was this the moment I was waiting for? Was my life really going to change? I was looking for answers but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the truth.

MESMERIZING BEAUTY

The first time I set my eyes on the snow clad mountains I was dumb-struck by its beauty. I don’t know why but it felt as if they were calling me. I still get goose-bumps when I think of it.  It was like I was in trance and suddenly all the doubts started fading out. If you look at it, there is nothing but barren land and snow clad mountains but one cannot get enough of it. This is one place which proves the fact that nature is so powerful and human even with their knowledge and advancement can never compete with the powers of nature. Everyone there is at the mercy of Mother Nature. It took us close to two days to reach Leh and we were exposed to sudden weather changes during this. The whole journey was a combination of scorching heat and sudden snowfall. I believe it was God’s way of telling me that life is a combination of good and bad. Neither phase last for a long time. After the snow the heat is a nice change but too much heat leaves us craving for the cold. Similarly, the bad experiences teach us a lot and that’s how we value the good times......and just like that I learnt an important lesson.

INSIGHTFUL EXPERIENCE

We crossed the borders and entered Jammu and Kashmir. I think I left all my worries back in Himachal Pradesh because all of a sudden I felt lighter. I couldn’t get any network on my cell phone and I guess that was a blessing in disguise. I’m a techno-freak and not being able to get in touch with people makes me feel disabled. Somehow it didn't matter anymore. I was already on my soul searching journey and no one could stop me. I spoke to my mother just twice during those ten days just to let her know I was fine.  The monasteries were beautiful and they had an aura to them. I could just go there and look at the city for hours together and not get enough of it. 

The cold desert of Nubra Valley is best place if you want to have a conversation with yourself. The silence there was so blissful that I sat there in the middle of the desert and wasn’t bored. We found the double humped camels here. I took a ride on these camels just so I would be there in the desert and all I could hear was the whistling of the wind and the tinkling of the bells that were tied around the camel’s neck. It’s difficult to explain but it had a soothing effect which just calmed my senses. Emotions like hate, frustration, nervousness and anger became a distant memory. They were replaced by love, faith, peace and the wish to live life to the fullest and take chances just to follow my dreams. My visit to the Pangong Tso was wonderful. The vastness of the lake is striking. There were so many people there and it was like a fish market – quite noisy, but I somehow couldn’t hear them beyond a certain point. I was so deep in thoughts that I just sat there at the bank listening to the water and foreseeing my life here on. The whole self exploring journey ended with river rafting in the Indus and Zanskar River. I asked myself, why was I so scared to take chances in life? It’s only after I take chances would I know whether things are going to work or not. As I was deep in thought and enjoying the ride, the rafting guide asked whether anyone wanted to jump in the river. No one around me wanted to. I just put my oars aside and jumped in. The water was icy cold and I couldn’t breathe for a moment but before I knew it I was fine. I repeated the same thing when we crossed over and into river Zanskar. You see even though initially I was breathless I was fine in an instance. So why was I so scared? 

BREAKING FREE.....FINALLY!!

That’s when is realised that I wasn’t scared anymore and that I was all set to take a step and transform my life. I couldn’t wait to get back to Pune and embrace my new life. You see, Mother Nature in her own way made me realize the reason why I was so scared. I’m 26 year old, infact I turn 27 in February. I've worked as a Human Resources executive and somewhere deep down I knew this was not what I was cut out for. But I was scared of starting my career from scratch and that added to my frustration. I could see everyone around me moving ahead and I was just stuck. I’ve always wanted to be a writer but somehow the dream was lost and I was stuck in the rat race like any other management graduate.

People of Leh taught me a big lesson of restarting life from scratch. After the cloud burst last year when the city was washed out, everyone stood up and put all the pieces together and started their life all over again and here is was fussing over few wrong decisions of my life.  It’s not too late and now here I am enjoying my job and embracing each day with open arms.

A heartfelt thank you to my Tarot reader Anjani Shah and salute to Mother Nature for being the best teacher........EVER!

Scattered Pieces!

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."

Have you been through an instance where a loved one said certain heart piercing statements? Something so bad that it literally broke your heart and you could never quite put the pieces back? In today's time, where relationship break at the blink of an eye, it comes as no surprise to me that 99% of people that I've met have borne the brunt of broken relationships. Be it with their boyfriends or girlfriends or even with their friends or loved ones, we all are living with the painful baggage of our past. 


So what do we do about it? Why is it that long after the relationship is over we still seem to be carrying the memories around? When people say I'm over the past, do they really mean it? Do we really forget the past and move ahead? People say time is the best healer. Is it really? I don't think so. The truth is we can never forget the painful instances in life. As time passes we just learn to live life with them and eventually these events become such inseparable parts of our life that they do not hurt as much as they used to before.  Unfortunately our subconscious doesn't let go of it and we are time and again reminded of the past for the pain it put us through or the important lessons it taught us. It's up to us how we would want to remember them.


When bad things happen we all say that it happens for a reason and for the best. I'm sure it happens for a reason but not quite sure whether it happens for the best. Broken relationship can have damaging effects on one's mind. When you love someone unconditionally and the same person hurts you, how then do you handle it? People sometimes try to sort out the issues and continue with the relationship. Each time you patch up after a fight a part of the relationship is lost till the time there is nothing left of it. Millions of people still carry on with such relationships because they don't seem to be able to part with their loved ones. The best advice here would be to end it and move on. But its easier said than done. 


Why is it that relationship break? One reason could be lack of compatibility, but is it the only? I don't think so. I feel people are becoming really self centered of late. It's always 'me' and not 'we' No wonder the break up rate is high. If there is no 'we' or 'us' how is the relationship going to grow? One needs to devote time and nurture the relationship for it to grow.  Will an ignored seed ever flourish into a full grown beautiful tree full of flowers and fruits? The beautiful trees are now taken over by thorns.


You know,there is a lot that can be done to save those special relationship. Proper and timely communications is one of them. No one is a mind reader here. Speak out and convey your thoughts, feels, views, like and dislikes to the people around.All this while keeping in mind the feelings of the people around. Have a clear and transparent conversation. Respect others opinions. If you've had an argument and have sorted it out, do not keep bringing it up time after time as it'll only add to the bitterness. If sometime bothers you, speak about it. Bottling up anger is the biggest enemy of any relationship as when it busts all you have are 'scattered pieces', something that you can never put together again.


Sometimes we do not realize how lucky we are to have certain people in our life. When we have them around we do not value them. It's only when we lose them do we realize what we've lost. A lot of times we tend to love only those people who hurt us and hurt those people who love us. It's ok to have people who do not love or care about you because you can never lose something that you never had, and you never had these people in your life in the first place so why cry over the loss and shun the existing lovely people from our lives? 


So pull up your socks. Embrace the special people in your life. Think before you take drastic steps. Do not cry over people who do not matter. It's time you have some clear glasses in your life so that the "scattered pieces"  from the past don't prick too much!